Today is dedicated to linearity.
I sometimes feel chaotic. Like my brain is running through maze upon maze of uncertain thought and direction. This lifestyle I have chosen -- of beauty and art, sometimes feels the least beautiful of all. If only it could be clearer.
When this chaos begins, I loose course and I feel uneven. I want to stand still in these moments, in the darkness-- and wait. Wait until the path reveals itself, wait until I feel linear again. I sit back and I breath. I try to even out my thoughts and dreams and I picture this still sea. So straight - so silent - so at peace. Even as I do, I then visualize all the small rippling waves that are contributing to the stillness and it makes me smile. Because I know those small uneven waves are like my thoughts, always moving - always changing - always trying to loose course, but the currents control them and they listen.
I sometimes wish there were strong currents controlling my direction. well, maybe there are, who knows. But at this current moment, I feel uneven.
I crave you. I see you in the distance, so straight and beautiful and I want to be like you. But in this moment, all I can do is be still and let the moving tides pass through me. Hoping they reveal the answers.
The above photo was taken this past December when I was traveling through Chicago. I remember thinking how peaceful this sight was and how I wanted to remember it's simplicity and beauty always. I was standing by myself as my friend Kristine was off in the distance, taking her own photos. It was cold and I was very tired. Tired from traveling, from walking across that very large city and also emotionally tired from episodes that left me feeling quite vulnerable and bruised. This moment was one of my favorites of those few days. The air was so brisk and fresh and I felt so at peace.
I think that is why I came across it today. I had forgotten it even existed until something lead me into this collection of images. I believe that moments like these are why I choose to photograph my life. For me to remember and for me to share.
A few more from the 30 minutes spent right there --
The photos taken of me are by my travel partner Kristine Edinchikyan. She's a good one.